IT'S OK TO SAY NO

Hi Readers,

After having not one but two separate conversations about this in the last week, I thought it'd be a good post to write. If you take one piece of advice from me, from this blog or otherwise its this; it's ok to say no. 

After chatting with a close friend a few days ago, she expressed the feeling that she was apprehensive about going to a boy's house because she wasn't yet ready to have sex with him. I simply replied with 'well just don't have sex with him then?' to which she said that she'd pretty much feel obligated to if she went over. 
On a separate occasion on a night out with friends, one guy started to get too close to my friend to the point where she asked not to be left alone with him. She also said that she felt bad for rejecting him. 
That same night, while out dancing, a man came over to us and started dancing with us in quite a provocative way. I instantly got an uncomfortable feeling around him so I turned my back to him and carried on. He then proceeded to put his hand on my behind and left me slapping his arm off numerous times while shouting at him that that wasn't ok. 

Let's start with the basics shall we?  If someone says yes, then changes their mind, it's a no. If someone says no, it's a no. If someone can't say yes or no, it's a no. 

Recent research has found that four in ten teenage girls in England have experienced 'sexual coercion.' This means that someone has had to convince them or pressure them into doing something that they were unsure about or didn't want to do. I don't know about you, but that sounds a bit like rape to me. 

I think it's so important at a time when more than ONE IN THREE women experience some kind of sexual assault in their lives and at a time when only 6% of these women report these assaults to the police, we teach people that it's absolutely ok to say no. Anyone with an ounce of respect will not be offended by you saying no, they won't think any less of you or call you names. If they do, then pat yourself on the back because you dodged a bullet. Also think of it this way, what kind of person actually enjoys having sex with someone they know didn't really want to do it in the first place. Always remember as well that 'no' is a complete sentence, you never have to explain or justify your reasons for saying no when it comes to not wanting to have sex.


But this isn't about the person doing the pressuring, it's about you. If you're uncomfortable or not ready to go that far with someone, don't be afraid to say no. Save yourself the regret, the upset, the horrible feeling and the displeasure of partaking in something that you don't want to do. Doesn't sound fun to me. 

I also like to believe that if we can all get better at saying no, rather than 'just going along' with something we don't want to do, this could lead to the courage of more rapes and sexual assaults being reported to the police and even better processes for reporting these assaults and better aftercare for victims of sexual assault. 

In an age full of victim shaming, it's a shame that we have to teach people that it's ok to say no rather than the notion that 'no means no' being built into people's brains and I don't for one second think it's right that we have to teach people that saying no is ok. Please never feel pressured into doing something you don't want to do, it's absolutely ok to say no. 

I also just want to apologise for these statistics being all related to women. I completely understand that sexual assault and sexual coercion doesn't just happen to women, I just thought considering that my personal experiences with this topic earlier in the week had women affected, and most of my readers are women it would be more relevant. If you'd like to read more about the research conducted on English schoolgirls, click here.

Thank you so much for reading, and as always you can find me on; 
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