Waking up yet again to check my phone for it to have already turned 3pm on a Saturday could have made me cry this afternoon. I decided then and there that this would be the end of sleepless nights and wasted days, however, instead of getting up I turned on my laptop ready to watch a decent film. After scrolling through endless amounts of Disney movies, romantic movies, war films and more, I eventually decided on 'Wild,' the true story of Cheryl Strayed, who hikes the Pacific Crest Trail in order to escape her darkest demons, something I've been battling with myself recently.
The movie was amazing; unbelievingly gripping (so much so that I managed to watch the whole film without checking my phone once - an achievement for a twenty year old!), the cinematography is like nothing I've ever seen and the story is truly inspirational, in fact it was so inspirational I instantly googled local hikes and walks near me and decided I would blog my way out of the depressing, lazy rut I have found myself in.
I would have to say the rut started around three years ago, after I left high school. I felt very comfortable and safe in high school, and I was good at it - revision, tests, essays. As nerdy as it is to admit, I enjoyed the organisation and control I was able to have over my work at school and left with above average grades, which I'm very proud of. After school I felt like this control was whipped out from underneath me as I had no idea what I wanted to do yet. I found myself working as a legal secretary, which was a horrible experience as my boss was a monster. I felt so undermined and useless I can remember walking home every single night fighting back tears. During this spell, I found myself simultaneously falling into the wrong crowd. Drug-dealers, alcoholics and general unemployed wasters became my friend group and the pub became my second home. I moved in with my (ex)boyfriend, signing a lease without telling my parents, who refused to even meet the guy. All this is enough to make anyone feel depressed, and to top it off, my boss soon fired me after around a year in the job.
This led to a few months of unemployment, until I found a job provided to me by a family friend in their new shop. This was a great position - I was a manager! I felt so much better, the control was back! I was inspired, and signed up for a night class in psychology, gaining myself another high-school level grade, which I'm still very proud of. When the shop failed due to making virtually no money, the course was the only purposeful thing in my life. I felt awful. I ended up on unemployment benefits and my parents found out about the lease when the landlord called to chase up rent that hadn't been paid. I plummeted back into the rut.
Once the storm had calmed, I moved back in with my parents and went on a mad job hunt. I had realised by this point that those 'friends' were not friends, just people who happened to be in the same places as me. My parents were amazing in supported me and my progress in the night class was through the roof, I was motivated once again. I went on a crazy job hunt, applying for around 10 jobs a week, and ended up working all this summer at a caravan park. This was the happiest summer of my life, and I ended up making some amazing friends (one of which became my current boyfriend!) and memories that I will forever cherish. I worked harder than ever before, passed my end-of-year psychology exam and applied for loads of different colleges. Aberdeen were the first to accept.
I loved the idea of moving so far away (around three and a half hours) and starting fresh in a city I had no experience in. I accepted straight away. Moving here has been great, the city is gorgeous, rich in history and I've met some amazing people at college. However, the flat I live in is part of a student accommodation company, I have an en-suite room and share a kitchen with four other people who live in my hall. These people don't speak, I've been here three months and I don't even know all of their names. This makes it an incredibly lonely place to live, which often gets me down.
I've tried to make this a reasonably short explanation of why I'm restarting this blog, but I realise I often say way too much. Anyway, Wild inspired me to make the most of it, and really motivated me. I'm not going to meet anyone by lying around in a messy room, putting off doing coursework and never leaving the flat. I instantly googled walking routes near me and plan on setting off on Monday to explore the place more. This evening, I worked hard to get in front of my coursework and feel confident I'm going to achieve good grades for my work. Tomorrow, I plan on reading a book, something I used to love doing but don't do any more. I feel incredibly positive to get fit, get educated and get cultured, and I want to document it so I can look back at how far I have come and push myself to go further.
If you made it this far thanks for reading, and sorry if I bored you! If you want to know/see more, feel free to follow me on;
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