PARAMORE // THE USHER HALL EDINBURGH

Hi Readers,

This week I just want to gush over the gig I was at last week; Paramore at the Usher Hall.

I first saw Paramore seven years ago in Newcastle, when I was 14, and seeing them again last Thursday at 21 years old shows not only how much has changed in my life, but how much the band has changed. I've seen them a few times now and that's the first show I've been to where they didn't play a single song from the first album. And as sad as that is, it also shows how much they've grown and progressed, swapping out songs like Pressure for ones like Rose-Coloured Boy which has an energy that can only be believed when you experience it live.

The band in general has an energy that is unrivalled by lots of the other bands I've seen, and it only takes one or two songs before you absolutely understand why they are performing headline slots at festivals and selling out tiny venues like the Usher Hall in less than a minute.

Seeing them in such a small, cosy venue was also really special. We were seated in the grand circle but didn't once feel like we weren't included or ostracised from the gig. Hayley Williams mentioned that they wanted the first tour to be in small and intimate venues and that really resonated and made it feel much more special after their time off and with the emotional and personal themes of their new album.

They played the classics like That's What You Get and Misery Business (with a guest appearance from Lauren Mayberry from CHVRCES) which were amazing as always, but it was the new material that stood out, and songs like Turn it Off from the third album that you don't usually get to hear live. My personal favourites were Fake Happy, Playing God (because I forgot allll about how much I love that song) and their cover of Fleetwood Mac's 'Everywhere', which has been stuck in my head for the last week.

This band will not disappoint and I urge you if you can to see them live at every opportunity - just make sure you're ready to buy your tickets the SECOND they come on sale (I waited for half an hour before they went on sale and still couldn't get standing tickets) because this lot are in high demand right now. Their catalogue is massive and ranges from as emo as you can get, to electro-indie in their new release called After Laughter (seriously you need to hear this).

Paramore, you are a band I have loved for a long time, and a band I will hold dear for the rest of time. Thanks for an incredible night, and welcome back.

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Ode to a Different Life

Hi Readers,

It's been a while! Sorry - my absence has been due to few different things like exams, work and just not feeling very inspired to write. But I definitely want to keep up the blog because it's something I love doing, I definitely love having a creative outlet like this where I can speak about what I want, and share things I love. 

Today's post is being written in the early hours, after a night of deep conversation and thinking about the past. When I meet new people, or get to know people and start becoming friends with them, I often find myself asking them; "if you could go back to being any age, what age would you go back to?" For me, the answer to this question is 16 years old. 

I was 16 in the year 2012, about to enter my last year of high school and I was blissfully happy for the whole year. I started the year off ending my first "proper" relationsh, and spent two weeks getting drunk (my newfound favourite thing to do at the time) with a group of friends that had the exact same mindset as me. I enjoyed showing off and getting attention from the people around me. I then moved on to having a summer school trip to Paris, where I met my next boyfriend. He was a big part of my happiness, but a lot of it also came from being just old enough to have the freedom to do more without needing my parents. Me and this boyfriend did so much together - gigs, nights out in the city, long walks, parties. All of it. But the beauty of it was that we weren't quite old enough to have real responsibilities yet. The perfect happy medium. 

The point of this post isn't to tell you the story of what I all did when I was sixteen, but more to comment on how bittersweet it can be to look back at the time you felt happiest, at the age you still feel inside. And as cheesy as this sounds, when you had the whole world at your feet and everything to look forward to. I'm not saying I'm unhappy now, because I am blissfully happy, and I realise I probably look back with rose-tinted glasses on but looking back I also realise how much I lost myself in the years between then and now. For around two years after school I wasn't me anymore, I didn't keep up any of the interests I'd had when I was sixteen - watching hours of makeup tutorials on youtube turned into not even being arsed to replace my eyeliner that had run out, playing my guitar for two hours at a time completely unaware of the outside world turned into listening to the same tired songs over and over again, my thirst for new music gone, long walks in the woods turned into vodka and lemonade in the pub after work in a job that made me miserable. It seemed I didn't have a personality anymore, and I was just blending into the people that surrounded me. Whatever they were, I was too. And it would be easy to blame this on the fact that people grow up, they change. But I knew that me was in there somewhere. Things you love don't just disappear. 

16 year old me // 21 year old me

When I moved to Aberdeen in 2015, and to Edinburgh especially last year, I realised that I was in the midst of a bit of an identity crisis - I had friends dotted about all over the country, but no one really close to me right in Edinburgh that was on my wavelength like I'd been used to my whole life. I ended up adjusting a bit to find myself where I am now - feeling more like myself than I ever have since I was sixteen. I chuckled to myself when I realised this was because I was starting to show traits of myself that I'd had at sixteen. My subtle eyeliner turned into big flicks, my hair got blonder, I was super excited about music again, my dress sense changed (I gave a shit about what I was wearing, and buying clothes that actually fit me after putting weight on instead of cramming myself into the same size 12 jeans I'd had for too many years) and my motivation got to losing weight and doing well in university. 

I know I can't ever be that sixteen year old girl anymore, but I loved me when I was her and it took me realising that the things I loved then are still what I love now to realise that its okay to feel like you're going back in time. To look back and be sad that you're in a different place, but also carry the wide-eyed ambition that little teenager had into my twenties and be excited for the future, like she was. It's ok to want to look like her, because she was blonde and skinny and healthy. She enjoyed spending hours watching hauls and staying up until 2am discovering new bands on youtube. She got outside and went for long walks and drank too much and laughed all the time. I'm not her anymore, and I won't be her again, but she's not a bad person to aspire to be like. 

Thanks for reading, and as always you can find me on; 

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DID THIRTEEN REASONS WHY GLAMOURISE SUICIDE?

Hi Readers,

Today I want to discuss the hit Netflix show 'Thirteen Reasons Why.' I'm sure you've already watched it, or at least heard of it because everyone and their dog's are talking about it just now. Just a heads up that this post contains no series spoilers, but will outline the basic plot. Trigger warning: the post may also contain some content that may upset or affect some people. 

Based on the novel by Jay Asher of the same name, Thirteen Reasons Why is about a girl named Hannah Baker who commits suicide, and leaves a series of recorded tapes to her colleagues, friends, love-interests and classmates who she claims led her to her death. 

Personally, I loved the show and I wish I'd known about the book before I'd watched it. The story is fantastic and the characters are so loveable, relatable and easy to watch. Absolutely incredible acting. The show is the perfect amount of dark, mixed with that slightly-too-cheesy high school theme. The story is so gripping you will not be able to stop watching, and I think I made it through the whole thing in about a week. My only criticism of the show is that it left me with a lot more questions than it did answers (ALEX??!?!?).

Now let's get into the nitty-gritty. Why has everyone been talking about this show? The series has been gaining a lot of traction and controversy in the media due to the idea that it glamourises suicide, sexual abuse and mental health issues. This, I would have to disagree with. I understand that the show might be exceptionally hard to watch for some people, and possibly triggering to those who have maybe attempted suicide, thought about committing suicide, have experienced some kind of sexual abuse or suffer from mental health issues, but just because a lot of people are watching it does not mean that the suicide in the show is being glamourised. For one, Hannah Baker doesn't kill herself and is then put on a pedestal by the whole high school - a lot of the people who receive her tapes dislike her and call her a liar for what she says and how she effectively blames them for her killing herself. Also, the scene where she commits suicide is incredibly hard to watch, to the point where I felt myself having to look away. This does not make suicide look fun and glamourous. It is real, it is slow, it is painful. 

I also like that the show makes people think. I do not for one second hold the belief that suicide is 'selfish' or a 'coward's way out', but Thirteen Reasons Why was really good at making you think about the impact you leave on the world, without even knowing it. So many people were affected by Hannah Baker's suicide, and it'd be the same for all of us - whether we know it or not. 

Lastly, I'm glad this show is getting people talking about this - suicide, sexual assault and mental health issues are a huge part of our society unfortunately, and I'm glad to see a show convey the effects of them in an honest way. This stuff shouldn't be easy to watch, and it needs to be talked about in order to make a change. According to Rape Crisis, approximately 85,000 women and 12,000 men are raped in England and Wales alone every year; that's roughly 11 rapes (of adults alone) every hour. However, only 15% of those who experience some kind of sexual violence choose to report it to the police. Shows like this are going to change that and that's why it is a good thing that so many people watched the show, and that's why it's important that shows like this are made in the first place. 

Now, one thing I will say about the show is that I don't agree with Hannah Baker's tape method. It was incredibly mean and a little hypocritical, if you ask me. It was also incredibly unfair that she didn't leave her parents any kind of explanation. However, I will say that if you're at the point of suicide, because people have driven you there, I can totally understand why someone would do what she did - if you truly don't care about life anymore, you're not going to care about hurting someone's feelings. Also, the show is still a means of entertainment, despite all the messages it sends, and the tape plot makes it much more interesting as a show. 

In all I think the show was so great because it was so honest. It was honest about high school, and the lack of support for mental health (and preventing suicides before they actually happen), it was honest about suicide itself, honest about the effects of suicide on the people left behind, honest about sexual abuse and 'locker room talk' amongst young men in schools and colleges who are rapists, and honest in the fact that these things need to change. 

So thats my ten cents on Thirteen Reasons Why, I hope you enjoyed this post. The last thing I want to say is fuck Courtney, she didn't deserve to breathe the same air as Hannah Baker. 

If you're struggling with mental health issues, problems at home, suicidal thoughts, sexual assault, etc., you can call the Samaritans on 116 123. Their website is also full of information. 

Thank you for reading, you are not alone. 

As always, you can catch me on; 

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BOOK REVIEW // ALL THE LIGHT WE CANNOT SEE

Hi Readers,

Sorry it's been a couple of weeks again, but I'm going to try really hard to keep on track with uploading once a week on the blog from now on! 

Today, because I'm in the midst of manic exam revision, I'm just going to write a quick book review, because it's been a while since I did one. In this post I'm going to talk about 'All The Light We Cannot See' by Anthony Doerr. 

This book is something that I would normally never pick up, historical fiction isn't really my cup of tea. However, it was receiving so much attention on platforms like Instagram, Youtube and Tumblr that I thought I'd give it a bash. And I was not disappointed. 

The story is told from the perspective of two different characters - Marie-Laure, a blind French child who has been evacuated from her home and her life in Paris to a small seaside town in the north of France during World War II, and a German boy called Werner who is recruited by the German army because of his expert skills in fixing radios. Both of these characters are so well developed, and despite starting the book thinking I would take sides, I absolutely didn't. I grew so attached to both of these characters and wanted more and more of their story with every page. 

The story is done so interestingly and doesn't feel in the slightest like a long-drawn war novel, even if it did take me a little while to get into the book. If you're the same, persevere, I promise it will be worth it. The language is a little more difficult than what I'm used to, and it took a while to get into the swing of it, but once you find a flow with this book it's impossible to put down. 

The plot is exciting, interesting, educational and jaw-dropping. The way in which the two main characters' paths cross is phenomenal, and I guarantee the book will make you laugh, cry, laugh and cry again.

The author writes the setting of different areas of France absolutely flawlessly, making you feel like you are running along the walls of Saint-Malo with Marie-Laure. You truly feel immersed in the different towns and cities.

When I think about this book I remember it with rose-tinted glasses, with an almost nostalgic feeling, the same way I get about old films like Breakfast at Tiffany's. If nothing else, this book is beautiful and I'd highly recommend it. 

Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next week! As always, catch me on; 

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HEAL THE WORLD

Hi Readers,

Sorry I've been gone for so long but I am back! My absence has been due to a mixture of being sick, stressed and working non-stop. 

This week I'm writing a bit of a sad post, probably because I feel sad today. Sad about the world in general. How do you choose what to write about when there are so many attacks, shootings, bombs, threats to write about in the space of even a week? How is it fair to write about one and not the others? 

This week I was studying memory, and whilst writing out my notes I wrote down the definition of 'flashbulb memories' - detailed recollections of when and where we heard about shocking events. This got me thinking at the age of just 21, how many flashbulb memories do I already have? How many do my parents have? My grandparents? 

I think my first is probably 9/11, I was almost 6 years old and in our old kitchen sat a tiny box TV on top of our kitchen fridge. I have the vaguest memory of seeing one of the towers in smoke on that TV and my mum standing unable to take her eyes off what was happening in front of her as I sat at the kitchen table.  Next was probably the London Bombings, which I have an even more vague memory of despite being older. 

More recently was the Charlie Hebdo shootings, and the hostage situation that followed. The Paris attacks, the Boston Marathon, Brussels and more. 

Then in the past couple of weeks we've seen an attack on Westminster, a chemical attack in Syria, the US launching bombs in Syria, and now the Dortmund football team's bus has been bombed. These are just some attacks from a list of 53 this month on wikipedia. 

All of this makes me feel so hopeless, like what is the point in fighting ISIS, or terrorists in general - where do we start? Isn't it just easier to convince ourselves to just give in and go along with what they want? I think this then immediately think no, this is not how I should be thinking. We can fight them and we will, we just need to work out how. 

But these thoughts also lead me to thinking about what the root cause of the problem is. And to me, it is religion. I often wonder how much more evolved we'd be as the human race if religion hadn't been holding us back for so many hundreds of years (note - I'm talking about all religion, not just one). It also baffles me how people can believe so wholeheartedly in a God (or Gods, whoever that may be) that they are willing to kill and live their whole lives according to what their God supposedly wants, because it says so in a book they may or may not have written thousands of years ago.

I think the thing that annoys me most about religion is its reluctancy to progress. Imagine if we stuck with the first pieces of technology simply because they were there first. I wouldn't be sitting on my MacBook writing this post with an iPhone 6 sitting next to me. I wouldn't be able to watch a film, read the news and take a photo all from one device. I wouldn't be able to make a cup of tea or play my music through my speakers. How much have we learned and evolved in the last 100 years simply because of technology? Now how much further do you think we'd be if religion was willing to change and mould with the times too. 

The world is a scary place just now, and all these attacks with no clear way to stop them makes my head feel jumbled up and messy (kind of like this post). I just want to scream at everyone to shut up, take a few deep breaths and calm it down. How did humanity get to a point where we have imaginary lines in the land that mean that people can't come and live here? How did we end up having these huge fights about religion and whose God is the 'real' God? How did people end up stabbed, bombed, shot and attacked for living their life differently to others? 

How do we fix it? 

Times like these I often remember Enter Shikari's lyric; "fear begins to vanish when we realise that countries are just lines drawn in the sand with a stick."

Sorry for this jumbled, rambly post but I needed to vent this somehow. My thoughts go out to all the victims and their family's of all the shocking attacks in the last few weeks and months. Remember that love trumps hate and be kind to people. As always you can find me on; 

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DEAF HAVANA // O2 ABC GLASGOW

Hi Readers,

So a couple of weeks ago I went to see Deaf Havana in Glasgow at the O2 ABC and it was unreal! Deaf Havana have been a long time favourite of mine, and this was probably the 5th or 6th time I've seen them live. They had a load of new material to play because their new album came out just a few days before (it's called All These Countless Nights, and you should definitely have a listen to it!).

The support bands were all pretty good too - a guy called Holiday Oscar started as the crowd was coming in, followed by a Dundee band called The Mirror Trap and ending with Dead!. Dead were probably my personal favourite, but I have to give it to all three of them, their energy was incredible. 

Deaf Havana hit the stage at about 8.30 and they were so incredible. I've never heard them sound so atmospheric, the genuinely sounded like they were playing an arena or stadium rather than the O2 ABC. The setlist was everything I wanted it to be, and there was no songs that I wish they'd played instead. 

If, like me, you've been a fan of the band for a long time you'll know that their early music is substantially different to the stuff they're releasing now, and the band never play anything from their first couple of albums, which I thought I'd be a bit disappointed about but hearing the setlist any of their old music would have been massively out of place. 

I absolutely loved this gig, it completely reminded me why I love live music so much and I can't wait until the next one! Hope you enjoyed this quick little post! As always, you can catch me on;

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PUNK

Hi Readers,

Today I'm doing another make-up look! Last month marks a year since I bought myself the Urban Decay x Gwen Stefani Makeup Palette, according to my Timehop app, and I still love it now as much as I did when I first bought it. So, today I thought I'd showcase one of my favourite looks from this palette, centred around my favourite colour in it - punk. Enjoy!

First, I use the colour Stark from the palette to cover my whole eyelid and into my crease. Secondly, I go over just the eyelid using my favourite colour, Punk, and leave the crease showing Stark. I then use Bathwater to add a bit of sparkle right under my eyebrows. I then blend either one of the black colours across the corners and outer half of my eyelids and crease.

I use Kat Von D's tattoo liner to make a nice big flick, and finish the eyes off with some Avon mascara.

On my face, I use Diorskin Star Foundation, which I've spoken about a million times before and absolutely LOVE! I then powder my face with Rimmel's Stay Matte powder, which is also an all time favourite of mine and finish off with some Nars contour. 

I wanted to keep my lips nice and light so the look wasn't too much with such a heavy eye, so I used Mac's Pink Plaid which is the sweetest baby pink colour.

And that's the finished look! I love this dressed down during the day, maybe with less eyeliner and a nude lip, blending Punk with a lighter shade of black or grey in the corners, or dressed up like this with loose waves in the hair all ready for a night out! I hope you enjoyed this post, and as always, you can find me on; 

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